In the past month or so things are really starting to piss me off.
Firstly there was an armed robbery at my house where these bastards came into the house and completely cleaned us out. As if that wasn't bad enough, the aftermath of the event was the biggest joke of it all. Every Tom, Douche and Harry arrives guns blazing only once they realise its safe.
The true 'heroes' of the event are without any doubt Chubb security. A chubb security guard arrived during the robbery, with one finger in his asshole, the other in his nose so high up that he was probably scratching a very poorly functioning brain. He got tied up and was lying on the floor next to the rest of us; great help that was. However after the robbery was finished he calls for back-up where these morons come in their hundreds. Next we have the SAPS, no doubt SA's finest. Walking around, hands in their pockets, having a stroll, helping themselves to a cold drink provided by us, for performing such a splendid job. There were fingerprint specialists, some media folk and pretty much anybody else around who came to see what happened. The average response was a confused look, or a quiet thought which was easily read on their faces, "fuck these guys really got cleaned out".
I'll keep the extensive details of that event brief, since if i rambled on about it, I would explode with anger due to the incompetence of everybody involved who was meant to help, but rather endangered lives.
Another incident just happened about 2 hours ago. Me and my two brothers go off to gym. I went into the actual gym whilst my other 2 brothers went to play squash. There I am, struggling away at gym after quite a massive lunch. After about an hour i cant possibly physically do anything else. I urgently need to take a dump. I wander off to the bathroom, use almost an entire roll of toilet paper on the seat to prevent disease, sit down and take out my phone to play some snake. That second the phone rings, its my boet, the car is "no more there". I get up, pull up my pants and run on over there, as if im gonna be able to do anything now...
We go and speak to the most useless bunch of sods i've ever come across in my life. The first guy, a security guard who is employed by the gym, is on his cellphone and tells us to shoosh when we try to shout to him the car has been stolen. Once off the phone we tell him what happened. The response of his is utter nothingness. Im still not aware whether this bloke spoke any language never mind english. We rush over to a second security guard. This guy didnt know whether it was Monday or Boksburg. High on ganja im sure, his response is "Hawuuuuuuu" Absolutely nothing else, to get a response from them is like drawing water out a stone, completely oblivious to the fact that they are even on a place we all call planet earth. The main reason for the car's so called "mysterious disappearance" is largely due to the fact that the booms blocking the exit from the gym remain open the entire day and in addition to this no guards are patrolling the exit. "What criminal mind could penetrate such a fortress of security"?
To keep it short i can't go into details about the slow-witted staff inside the gym, but the main point is that it has become such a common occurrence there, they have actually got a book where all you do is fill in all your details of your car. In other words its a known problem, the book is apparently the ultimate solution. Once your name is in the book you're golden, i mean what else could possibly want anybody to do in such a situation?
Off we goto the police station, attached to this post is a picture of one of the most ironic, but not necessarily surprising things you might come across in your lifetime. The police have actually hired a private security company (similar to heroic chubb) to protect the entrance to the police station. This probably won't surprise you. The faith this instills in the public can only be described as something rather special.
(It's not very clear in the picture, however the security guard pictured is actually employed by a company called Protea. Protea security has been hired by the police to protect themselves - in retrospect it isn't such a bad idea.)
All in all, everybody reading this story will probably disregard it as just another typical story they have heard a hundred times from somebody in SA, and of course they would be right.
Its unfortunate the blog has to start off on such a bad note, but it is mostly a place for venting my anger. The next posts will hopefully be of a more comedic nature (although i will still be ranting about something or other...)
Thanks for reading.
Comments welcome, and if they not I'll just delete them anyway. I'm not here to please the general public, you like it then fantastic otherwise don't read it.
