Rants, raves & the occasional good comment

I have been having a particular problem with music/dvd stores. In particular the *Musicb stores seem to be to blame for their rather brainless, impeded staff. On many occasions I have been into a Musicb store to inquire whether they have a particular CD/DVD.

Before I explain to you the process which follows, let us all keep in mind the rather stringent qualifications needed to get a job at a store like this. One of the many necessary restrictions all staff must comply with is an uncompromising desire to be completely and utterly physically non-presentable. The manner in which the staff go about fulfilling this requirement is rather intriguing to me. A popular approach is to get one or more piercings on the most random space on your body you could think of. The piercing just above your lip to one side is my personal favorite. I wonder if all the metal interferes with cellphone calls? Maybe this could explain the lack of communication skills. Dressing like a 12 year-old emo kid and not having gone for a haircut for over 2 years all seem to be acceptable and popular approaches. Physiological problems and dropping out of school at age 11 or younger are also impressive credentials to any candidate applying for the position.


Now after asking one these select, incredibly intellectual employees, who happen to be standing right next to the computer, for a particular CD their response is as follows: Firstly a completely blank look. Thereafter they scrunch up their face and move their eyebrows upwards as if they are in deep thought. This is followed by a look up at the ceiling, maybe hoping that G-d or whoever they may pray to (possibly the ceiling) can provide the answer they are looking for. After this strenuous mental workout they look back at you and shake their head slowly "Na, we don't have that."

"Are you sure, do you not want to check on the computer?"
"No, we don't have it."

At this point its difficult to even justify giving a response. I just accept the situation and walk out the store.

Some may say "Sure, its possible that these guys know exactly whats in the store" but my argument lies in the fact that if indeed these employees were able to memorize such large amounts of detailed information, they would have never been employed in the first place. Am I wrong?

*Names have been changed to prevent lawsuits.

My phone calls generally last around 1 minute, 30 seconds. The trouble is the important part of my conversation is only the first 30 seconds. The next minute is usually spent trying to say goodbye and get off the the phone. A normal conversation ender for me goes something like this:

"Alright sweet boet, so I'll speak to you later"
"Ya awesome, just let me know when you hear about tonight"
"Definitely bru, as soon I get a reply from the other guys I'll call you straight back"
"Ok kewl"
"Sweet enjoy the rest of your day"
"Ya you as well boet, so we'll chat a bit later then"
"Perfect, will speak to you in a bit then"
"Good hear from u soon"
"Ok kewl enjoy"
"Kewl, ciao"
"Bye"
"Cheers"

The conversation above (if u had the patience to read it) is usually quite similar to the end of my conversations. Although all the details and necessary arrangements have already been made prior to this part of the conversation, there is often a need to repeat it, and then discuss it once more. Not mentioning names, but I know of a few other people with this problem, where a conversation ender can take up to 3 or 4 minutes to end it. Anybody reading this please help me cut down my cellphone bill and whenever the first attempt at ending the conversation occurs say goodbye and hang-up the phone.

Boksburg/Benoni has produced some fantastic things in its time. Charlize is just one of many such stars to come out of it. Brandy and coke is another and lets not forget the mullet. In fact im not certain whether the mullet started there, but what I do know is that it has not gone out of fashion and never will.
Out of the midst of such a culture-rich town, a new hero has arissen to the enjoyment of Frikkie van boksburk uit.

A man known to the world only as Vernon Koekemoer (real name unknown) has managed to push aside heroes like the Hoff and Chuck Norris to become an international sensation. He has been popping up everywhere in the media including newspaper articles, internet blogs and even sky news. Headlines read "Move over Chuck, We've got Vernon".

Vernon Koekemoer, may be one of the greatest legends of his generation and all the while he is blissfully unaware of his fame. Rewards are out for his true identity over the net. A group on facebook in support of making Vernon Koekemoer famous peaked and was then closed down. Never fear a new group called "Make Vernon Koekemoer famous … again" has been established and is growing at an alarming rate. The sensation has swept the country like a new KFC branch opening with food at half price. The Fans will do almost anything to meet VK.

Vernon Koekemoer's fame came about when a picture (attached to the post) taken at the H2O music festival started circulating via email. Fans started photoshopping images of Vernon and posting stories about his legendary status.

What can one attribute such greatness to?
People say its hard work to make it in the entertainment industry but for a bloke with natural talent such as Vernon Koekemoer just going to a music festival was all it took. The now famous pose of a very built VK sporting a bokkies oke's mullet and holding a beer in his hand has captured the amusment (and admiration) of fans worldwide.

Whatever it is about the man Vernon Keokemoer nobody can be quite sure, however his legend leaves me pondering...

Is it just me or are these things really weird...

Driving along the roads of JHB, it is most probable that you will come across robots that don't work. Some are just off, which leads to major traffic, accidents and general chaos. We also know taxi's use the robots as suggestions and are optional either way. My question however pertains to the fact that I often see robots flashing red. What exactly does this mean? If the robots can flash red, why not just flash green and orange also. It obviously cannot be a power issue seeing as its flashing red. Where exactly does the problem come in? What possible logical reason could there be for robots only flashing red?

Many of us use the phenomenal service that the Aquazania water company provides. This service includes dropping off random amounts of water each week. No matter how many time you call and them you need x amounts, the chance of it as slim as a bulimic girl after a massive meal and a fresh deposit. It's clear mathematics isn't a specialty of theirs. If you request x bottles of water, chances are you will receive a number between x-5, and x to the power of 30. But moving on... Has anybody ever noticed the "freshly squeezed" label on the water? Maybe people will comment on this and tell me I'm a complete idiot because I've clearly missed the entire advertising objective of it. I figure it has to have a deeper meaning because no person (that I know of at least) could be so intellectually challenged as to think water is "Freshly squeezed." Now although all of the above might be true, every single person I have asked about it, doesn't get it either so clearly something is wrong. Either its an incredibly bad advertising campaign or everybody is stupid. The latter is obviously impossible seeing as I fall into the group of "everybody". Anyway the lucky chap who can decipher the answer to this riddle of sorts will be received a "freshly squeezed" handshake from me. Good luck to you all.

Anybody that has used vending machines or parking ticket machines has at one point or another kicked it and probably cursed it. The strange thing to me is that they are constantly out of change, even though the majority of the money being put into them is indeed change. That aside, another issue of major concern in my life is how these machines can you give change back, but when you try put that exact same coin back into the machine, (to pay for another ticket for example) it refuses to accept it. More stubborn than any person i know (with the possible exception of Luntz) the machine point blank denies the coin came from the machine in the first place and vomits it out every time you try put it in. These scenarios often lead to completely random social scenes where you run around and beg people to exchange R5 coins with you. If extra-terrestrial life does exist it, this is probably the main reason they haven't decided to come live here.