Rants, raves & the occasional good comment

Firstly if anybody is reading this then I can only ask why? But that being said, I’m glad that you are…

I’ve been absent from my blog for many months but please don’t take that as an indication that brands are no longer constantly failing and people have stopped annoying me - quite the contrary infact. Even for a person that expects so little from companies and people in general I am still in awe of how far some people are willing to go to establish their dominance in the realm of stupidity. Big up to all of them.

This blog post was inspired by an indie ‘rock’ concert I recently attended. There are two elements to this post, firstly the complete failure of Big Concerts as the organiser of the event and secondly the other shmohawks who attended the concert.

Let’s start off with Big Concerts. There are a giant fuck up if I do say so myself. It’s not the first time they’ve held a concert yet they cannot seem to get the fundamentals of organising a concert right, at all.

They cannot anticipate that when lots of people go to a live music event, it’s plausible they may want to eat and drink. I can picture them brainstorming, how to organise this event, while sitting around a big table in a board room. Some douchebag suggest that they have as little people serving food and drinks as possible because that way they won’t have to pay that many staff money. The CEO ponders this for a second and immediately promotes this moron to head organiser. To get a beer you stand in an enormous queue waiting. Two people are actually serving customers and the other hundred odd people are literally opening beer cans and bottles and pouring the drinks into plastic cups as they are not allowed to give out cans/bottles. Again it comes down to anticipation, surely if you can’t give beer in bottles they should them use beer on tap or another option? Needless to say their idea of getting staff to open beers and pour them into cups worked like a swiss fucking watch, they employed double the amount of people they needed while serving half the amount of people they could have. It was a great fucking plan man, if indeed I did understand it correctly.

Moving onto the food, it was equally a disaster, they usually had one employee trying to man an entire food kiosk. It was his job to take the orders, cook & prepare the food whilst trying to take the money. He would then work out the change in his head, decided to use a calculator afterwards, realise he typed it in wrong and then give you any random amount of money back to you. In the employees defence if the price of items hadn’t been as random as R17.63 change may not have been such a catastrophe.

Enough about the organisers let’s move onto the people that attended.

Firstly I’ll go through a checklist where you can tick off all the points, if you find yourself answering yes to any of these below, chances are you’re not the giant fan you claim to be:

• I only really started liking this band about a week and a day ago. I heard they were coming to the country and everybody was talking about them. All I’m really doing is trying to fit in.
• I know lots of their songs, actually only 2 of them that they play every 15 seconds on 5FM. I don’t know any others.
• Their one song is really kewl, I almost know all the words to it. I can tell you the words of the chorus at least.
• I don’t own any of their albums but my friend who is quite trendy has 2. He hasn’t listened to them yet either but reckons they’re one of the best bands he’s ever heard.

If you passed that list without any problems let’s try determine if you’re suitable to attend a rock concert. Again I’ll give you some points, answering yes to any of them probably means you’re not the ideal person to goto a rock concert.

• I don’t know the name of the band playing
• I think I’ll bring my handbag and all my valuables to just keep with me while I’m there
• A whole group of us has gotten together and we’ll all go together. Once we arrive, we will try setup a little circle in the middle of the standing section where nobody else is allowed to walk; otherwise we’ll get really mad.
• It annoys me when people bump into me and if you do I’ll get my friend/boyfriend to punch you.
• I can’t stand the noise, it’s really frustrating when I’m trying to speak to my friends and tell them a story of what happened last night.
• I don’t do public toilets, we’ll rather leave early if I need to use the bathroom.
• I would rather listen to a CD


As you may be able to tell the majority of the above points apply to ladies. Hence it may not be the greatest fucking plan to bring your fragile girlfriend along to a hardcore rock concert. She’ll probably announce to some deranged emo indie kid that you’ll kick his ass. He’ll put out a knife he was using to slit his own wrists earlier with and stab you. There are good ideas and bad ideas, the above is a bad idea.

Anybody who cannot pass the minimum requirement of those checklists please stay away.

That concludes this post.. Hope you enjoyed.

You can rate whether you thought the post was funny, cool or interesting also leave comments if you like.

I decided to write this letter because I realised that many other people feel the same way about Vodacom’s bad service as I do. I’m starting this petition against Vodacom and hopefully, by getting as many people as possible to sign it, we can get a response!

Within the last 4 months I cannot remember a single call that I have made from my mobile phone that hasn’t been either dropped or interrupted. The line either goes completely dead or goes dead for a while then seems to come alive again and this keeps re-occurring. Besides for the fact that it costs me to call back the person, often more than once, the aggravation it causes is the worst part of it. In the case of an emergency please don’t rely on Vodacom!

The SMS delivery standard is shocking. There has been lots of talk in the media about these problems. Of course the networks deny any and all responsibility. ICASA (Independent Communications Authority of South Africa ) subsequently threatened to fine them each R500 000 if their service didn’t improve. I am happy that they were threatened for poor service, but R500 000 certainly won’t scare them. We need penalties that are severe enough so that they are forced to improve their service. I recently sent out an MMS to a friend. The message arrived roughly 20 hours later and from a different number. I don’t know how that can be allowed to happen.

I know the high price of telecommunications in the country is largely due to network interconnect fees. For those of you who don’t know, interconnect fees are the fees that networks charge each other when there is communication between two different networks e.g. Vodacom and MTN. This is where we need ICASA to step in and do something about it. Once a provider has a monopoly there is almost no stopping them, they will simply do as they please and charge what they want.

*Since writing the first draft of this letter ICASA has done exactly that and stepped in to try reduce the interconnect fees. I do fear that it will be a similar situation to the discussion surrounding Telkom’s high prices for broadband – they will lots of talk but very little action.*

Another problem I have is the signal. I have more than 10 close friends that don’t have signal at their houses. There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to contact somebody or know whether they have gotten a SMS due to the fact that they have no signal. I have also noticed that I occasionally lose signal completely for a few moments. A few years ago I didn’t seem to have any problem with signal in South Africa. It seems to me that the networks are now overloaded and they are not upgrading the infrastructure to handle all the new customers. They would rather provide poor service to reduce expenses – something that works in the short-term but will come back to haunt you later on. Quite strangely places that once had good signal are now ‘dead-spots’.

Here is an incident to prove my point about the lack of customer relations. I recently tried to upgrade my cell phone on an expired contract. The rates they offered me on phones were ridiculous. The contract is under a company account with multiple contracts which has been with Vodacom for over 10 years. This simply means nothing to Vodacom. Vodacom sell your account to a third party who manages the account on their behalf. This company assigns you a ‘manager’ who is not concerned with any kind of customer relations or service. It came down to the actuality that I could have walked into a Vodashop, being a new customer and gotten a better deal on a phone/contract than being a loyal customer for over 10 years.

While I was speaking to my account manager I asked him a very simple question:
“What is the benefit of me upgrading my contract through you instead of walking into a shop and doing it there? The fact that we have had many contracts for over 10 years doesn’t seem to make any difference.”
The account manager though about this for a few moments and then admitted that he could not give me an answer. He couldn’t explain why I could get a better price as a new customer or give me any benefits of upgrading through their service. Understandably it isn’t his fault and he wasn’t responsible for the absurdity of the company policy but it proved my point.

*I have just finished reading an article in the Sunday Time regarding Vodacom’s fees. The article is written by somebody in Vodacom – I think it may have been the CEO, conveniently the author’s name is left out. I wonder how much Vodacom ‘donated’ to the Sunday Times to let them write their own article. The ‘article’ should have been marked an advertisement. It is not written by a third party with un-biased view. Each point in the article is more ridiculous than the previous one. They claim they deliver top quality services at good prices, and on top of that they have done great things for the community with donations etc. Please spare us the self-righteous nonsense. I have no problem with capitalism but don’t make out that the company is looking out for the entire community’s best interests. *

I know these aren’t the only issues surrounding Vodacom; however I am leaving space for comments. Anybody who agrees with this can leave a comment below or simply sign their name. If you have an incident you would like to share please do so. Also please pass on the link to this story so we can get as many people signing to make Vodacom respond!

We will await their response, but I know that nobody is holding their breath.

According to Wikipedia the term policy is typically described as a deliberate plan of action to guide decisions and achieve rational outcome(s). The word ‘rational’ is of particular importance to this blog entry.

It seems to me that if a company is large enough they can have a policy that simply overrules anything or anybody else including the laws of the country. It’s always the case that when a big company fucks up and acts in the most irrationally absurd manner that it’s a matter of company policy.

I am going to devote my attention to airlines to give one particular such example however many others do exist.
Most airlines policy’s state they are allowed to overbook flights; and then if the flight remains overbooked, they move people around as they see fit. I know what you thinking – that incontestably this cannot be the case because it simply wouldn’t hold up. But it is.

The reason why I know this for a fact is that I was quite candidly told this by an airline employee. I had booked a flight from Cape Town to JHB, only to receive an SMS saying that I was no longer a passenger of that flight and had been re-allocated to another flight.

In some insane conspiracy to actually try figure out what the fuck was going on I tried to phone the call centre. I got through to somebody who I thought was the most unintuitive person on the planet. This however was not the case; when I phoned back about 15 minutes later I found the most unintuitive human being on the planet. She basically told me that I had now been booked on a different flight because my original flight was overbooked. The airlines seem to know how to take the bookings they just can’t really HOLD onto them, which is really the most important part of a booking. Anybody can just take them.

So as it stood the flight was overbooked and I was moved over to another flight which obviously didn’t suit me otherwise I would have booked that flight in the first place. When I enquired as to how they can simply double book; they ingenuously admitted to me that in the company’s policy and they are allowed to do it.

?

The question mark is representation of my lack of ability to even respond to what I had just heard. Nonetheless trying to present my case to the call centre lady was as much a waste of time as going to Wits so I just gave up.

I mean there I was arguing with company policy……

Here are some thoughts, questions and answers to some of the questions that nobody ever asks.

Who is more intelligent: The person who recognises the fact that they aren't smart or the person that thinks they are but aren't? Close call.
This question has puzzled me for a while now. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

Has there been anybody in the history of man to successfully transport a take-away coffee back home without spilling? Why dont they seal it?
Can somebody please explain to me why they don’t seal the coffee properly when you order take-away? In an ideal world there should be 3 options: Drink in-store, to-go and take away. The drink in-store is the option where you sit at the coffee shop and drink the coffee there, in a normal cup/mug. The to-go option is where they serve you the coffee in a bullshit cardboard cup with a tiny hole in it so you can burn yourself while walking around. The last and most important option is the take-away option. Can they just seal the fucking cup properly if you are going to transport the coffee to a different location?

99% of the time when I hear somebody say "it's the principle of the thing" it has something to do with money.
Think about the last time you heard somebody say that, then nod your head and agree that its always to do with money.

One of my favourite nonsense adverts on TV at the moment is the nivea ad that suggests a womens underarms are the sexiest part of her. Crazy.
I’m sure the ‘proud’ boyfriend isn’t going around to all his mates and telling his chick to lift her arm up so they call all see how sexy her underarms are.

Why would a pig eat roastbeef? Bullshit story.
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed at home.
This little piggy has roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy cried "Wee! Wee! Wee!" all the way home

After such a huge debate as to who actually won the SA idols I haven't heard anything about either of them. Not that I'm complaining.
For weeks it made headline news that votes were incorrectly counted and nobody knew who won. Who actually gave a fuck? If anybody out there actually knows the name of either of the two finalists please… actually don’t bother.


If I hear once more about miley cyrus I'm gonna have major kopshewitz. A spoilt little brat with no talent and an annoying voice.
Miley if you are reading this then please remove your head from your own ass, you going to suffocate yourself douchbag. I would even go as far as to say your dad has more talent than you and his most famous song is Achy, breaky heart.

Cant remember last time there were 2 good songs playing on the radio at the same time. Mind u it’s hard to think when they played 1 good song.

I managed to get a university degree with a lot less effort than it took to get a new sim card from Vodacom.
It cannot possibly be that hard, can it?

I reckon coconut is the rosemary of the sweet world. Can't stop it.

Wen a drink doesn't have gas in it, that doesn't mean you can call it water. Would be like calling oros, vitamin flavoured orange water.
This next rant is possibly the one that’s been annoying me the most lately; it has to do with ‘Vitamin Water’. Here is the new rule, once something has been added to water it is no longer water. The same as Coke add some coke syrup to water and it becomes coke is the same as when these guys add ‘vitamins’ to the water it is no longer water. I actually have to take my hat off the guys behind Vitamin Water – they assessed the situation realised everybody else around them was retarded and then charged R20 for a bottle of water with some juice. Let me help you people out – every drink in the world has some form of vitamins in it, even diet coke has some vitamin B in it. Just open ur eyes and realise ur drinking normal diluted juice and paying R20 for it. I even heard a case where a doctor recommended to somebody that should you drink Vitamin Water to improve their health. Either he has a share in it, isn’t actually a doctor, or the patient was drinking liquid mercury and he suggested this as a healthier alternative. If supposedly the cleverest people in the country believe what they see in a marketing exercise I hold out little hope for the rest of us. No surprises that Verimark and Glomail have done so well.

Why do all the charities help the previously disadvantaged? I'd prefer if they would help the currently disadvantaged.

Why is it that when you cut fruit it tastes so much better?

Now I know what all you gym okes are thinking. But I'm not talking about the huge muscles you got in your back.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about where you have been in the last 6 weeks (besides gym)?


We arrive at Lationva and already we agree it’s a bad idea. When it’s possibly the coldest night in winter and guys are desperate to get in we know this place must be only for the most important jollers.

I do have respect for the guys who go there though; they must be able to drink a hell of lot. Either that or they are retarded. We all know that heavy drinking is incredibly bad for you and can slow down your mental ability, but for most of these people to try protect a brain that is functioning so poorly already can only be counter productive.

Some of us get to the front of the queue and the doorman explains that they can't let guys in if they don't have a woman with them because it’s not good for the ratio. First of all it goes without saying that if indeed I did have a woman the last place I would be is laties; unless I wanted to get dumped and have an easy break up. Second of all the oke at the door has the soul of an amoeba and the intelligence of a pot-noodle. He has no chance of understanding ratios. The oke didn't even have a grade 2 and I know that they only start ratios in about standard 5. Of course it is possible that he was a whiz kid and knew about ratios when he was in grade 2. Truth be told he might have been about 15 at that time.

Next was this other door man or uh.. lemme think of a more illustrious title... Maybe chaperon – I don’t want to disrespect such an important fellow. Nothing against gays but this was the biggest poof I had ever seen – he fancied himself as a hot-shot New-York promoter. Again he tells us that we can't come in because we don't have girls with us. My actual theory is that fat little poofer wanted all the boys to stay in line so he could them keep them to himself. Maybe even punish all the naughty boys for trying to sneak into the club behind his back.

Next thing I see this girl (who is more of a man than me – a feat in itself) being let into the club. I reckon she might have been a feminist. She was sporting a mustache that would have given boasting rights back to the days of Led Zeppelin.

Now although I’m bitching about the door-men, I should really be thanking them. I received no fewer than 4 SMSs that night telling me that I’m so lucky I left the club it was really shit. I also saved at least R150 leaving when I did.

I certainly won’t go backing there. But how that’s just like my opinion man.

We all know the feeling; you're settling down to watch your favourite sporting even on TV and you turn on the TV only to hear an Australian commentator.

You immediately know that you are going to be aggravated. Bias opinions, stating the obvious and not admitting defeat are all part of it. The accent can drive anyone crazy and it's just a generally unpleasant experience.

Please vote in the poll you should see above this posting on the blog-site: http://lbogger.blogspot.com as to what you when you hear an aussie commentator. If we get enough people complaining, I'll try taking the matter further.

Thank you.
bye/

The events described below prompted me to write this blog entry. I usually shrug off this type of occurrence as one of those things that just happen, but I then thought to myself I should blog about it and let everybody have a laugh about it too.

It was voting day for the elections in South Africa and I’m standing in the queue to vote. There is a girl two places in front of me who I nominate as the biggest n00b in the universe.

She was one of those really nerdy over achievers that you really hated at school. ‘Luckily’ for everyone else in the queue she is having a conversation with her mother and another man loud enough so that the whole queue can hear her.

She fancies herself as quite an expert on politics and starts talking about the build up to the election. You really get the feeling that she reads up on this stuff just to sound knowledgeable. Another thing I notice is that she can't formulate her own opinions and is passing off the opinions of others as her own. I know this because, by chance, I had also read some election articles and she had the *exact* same opinion as the writer of the articles. To make sure she gets her opinion across, she hushes everyone around her before speaking just in case somebody else is talking while she is delivering her speech (probably took hours of prep).

This apple doesn't fall too far from the true and the mother is also an over protective n00b. She zips up her daughter’s jacket for her when it gets cold and then leans on her.

"Hello mother, how are you?" says the girl

"I'm freezing my dear daughter," replies the mother.

Just from that snippet of conversation I’m sure you can appreciate the type of person we’re dealing with here.

The two of them remind me of the show Gilmore Girls which I had the displeasure of seeing for 10 minutes once. (Really opening myself to mockery here but it really was 10 minutes, couldn’t possibly handle more – and anybody that comments about that will be banned from reading the blog forever!). Similar to her on screen counterpart she is incredibly mature for her age, which is f*cking annoying. She also thinks that everyone is very impressed with her. To make matters worse she brings along a pepper spray just incase any election violence should break out. If there was a ruckus of sorts I would feel very secure next to this douchebag clutching onto her pepper spray. Purely for entertainment value I would have loved to see some ANC heavies’ rock up to make a playground of her ass.

The mother, in an equally paranoid franti,c tells a story of how this morning somebody blocked a third of her driveway and she was in the house in a hysterical state, looking out the window with her binoculars.

In another attempt to prove her wisdom to the entire queue, who she believes is her audience; she notices a tree and walks up to it staying this is definitely a hazelnut tree.

She always uses terms such as “exasperating” and “opulence” plus a few others that I'm not even sure are real words. She speaks like most people’s grandmothers’ and starts off her one story by saying, “listen to this for the most terrible story!” Which 18/19 year-old starts off a story that way?

She further proves herself as a medical genius and points out that she can tell the man has had chicken pocks because she can notice a scar on his forehead.

She also couldn’t contain her excitement to vote and told the IEC all about it. The frustration was too much for most people who wanted to grab her throat by this stage.

As is often the case this entry went on for longer than I expected but it’s challenging to describe such a n00b without being able to witness it first hand.

And a note to the n00b, if by any chance you are reading this blog entry please contact me so I can further mock and ridicule you.

THE END….

I’m generally quite a merry chap. It takes a lot for me to get worked up about stuff and I would say I’m generally in a good mood. A trip one fine Saturday morning would change all that (probably for life).

I get notification that my new credit card is ready for collection at NedWanks Eastgate. I think to myself well this should be a simple enough procedure. I’ll pop-in on Saturday morning and pick it up before I go and get a few other things that I need at the shops. I did do the pop-in, unfortunately the pop-out didn’t go my way.

I arrive at NedWanks quite early and I’m quite relieved to see that it’s not really busy. I go and wait in line and there are only 3 or 4 people in front of me. This immediately tricks the customer into some sort of false sense of hope. Besides for the people in the queue there are 2 people being served at the counter, one Chinese women and another bloke.

I would like the bank to have some sort of ranking system for customers. There are certain customers that are going to cause problems no matter what. The bank needs to weed out problem cases. The chinawoman was one such person. Besides for an obvious language barrier I don’t think she quite knew what she had come to the bank to achieve. This somewhat complicates matter. Another minor, very minor, little, tiny problem is that bank tellers who mans (or womans) these counters have the soul of inebriate and the imagination of a pot noodle. They didn’t know what the fuck was cutting. So between the 2 of them it was chaos.

Why I say there should be a ranking system is simply for a situation described above. If a “problem customer” does ever goto the bank they hold the entire queue for everybody else especially when there are only 2 tellers on duty. The one teller is occupied for hours with 1 problem customer. These “problem customers” should only be allowed to come in at non-peak hours to spare everybody else the trouble.

So now the queue is building up and the situation around me is getting rather critical. If there are any entrepreneurs out there I reckon you could make an absolute killing by setting up snack and beverage counters in banks by the queues. I don’t think I have ever encountered this many unhappy people in a single place, with the possible exception of WITS and even then as a percentage the bank still wins hand down. Every customer that came into the bank that day left extremely unhappy.

One such unhappy customer came into the bank for the sole purpose of finding the person at the bank he had spoken to on the phone because he wanted to hit them. (And yes I mean this quite literally) Apparently he had called the bank and they told him he was stupid. Let me tell you something, had this guy got hold of the bank employee I have no doubt he would have thrashed the moron to within an inch of his/her life. Although from this incident I did learn something – the reason they keep that bullet-proof 10inch thick glass between you and the teller is not necessarily in case of a robbery its more for their own protection. The tellers don’t have access to vast amounts of money in any case-that’s in the safe. I can only deduct that the glass is therefore for their protection.

When I enquired why there are only 2 tellers on an extremely busy Saturday morning I got a surprised look, as if the answer was so obvious, that “The otha werkas are going to have a lunch” Hmmm… Dreamin’!


Eventually I get to the front of the queue and I’m really fed up now, over 75 minutes have elapsed and all I need to do is collect an envelope with my card in it. I decide to try have some fun with the teller but it backfired so dramatically I will never try pull this type of shit again.

Teller: “Can I help you sir?”
Me: “I very much doubt that! Originally all I was here to do was to collect my credit but now I want to cancel this account”

When I looked back at the expression on the teller’s face I realised I had hit a brick wall. It would probably take the entire bank as on organisation working together, in unison, to actually manage to close an account – so I gave up.

Me: “Just give me the card so I can leave please”

The teller opens the drawer full of envelopes and it’s quite obvious to anybody on this planet that it’s ordered alphabetically. That anybody actually excludes any bank employee. She was fishing for this envelope for ages before eventually getting it for me. I started to question whether the Chinese lady earlier was actually at fault or whether it was all the bank’s screw-up – difficult to tell really (For any Big Lebowski fans I would like to include this quote “The Chinaman is not the issue here dude!”)

Wow I just realised this may be my longest rant ever and I’ve still got lots to tell so I’ll cut the rest of the story short. There is a pin attached to the new credit card that I wasn’t told about so it never got encoded for me. What this meant is that I couldn’t even use the card after all that and I had to return to the bank a few days later to encode this pin. A similar process repeated itself which I won’t go into.

Let’s tie up this story by simply stating that you should avoid all banks at all costs, because they certainly try avoid the customer at all costs. The conclusion is that now I’m a bitter, unstable person thanks to NedWanks.

Thank you for reading if you were bored (and sad) enough to make it this far!

**READ THE DISCLAIMER BEFORE CONTINUING

A happy camper?

I’ve done some fantastic things in this short life of mine; Challenges met, competitors bested and obstacles overcome. To name all of them would be impossible, but one of my proudest moments in life is making the decision to never go on camp. Any of my friends will tell you that I boast about it on a regular occasion.

Now maybe I’m a little f*ckin’ nuts (in fact we probably agree on that) but spending time on a campsite with a bunch of people that you mostly don’t know or like, sleeping on a steel bed, getting crap food, participating in compulsory activities, having limited free time and a curfew plus rolling around in your own filth is hardly likely to excite me. That fact that you pay for it on top of all these factors just boggles my mind.

We all know that most kids go camp because of peer-pressure or because their parents want to dump them somewhere for a while whilst they are on their overseas trip. To me, there was absolutely no logic on going on camp, ever! How could going on camp with all these rules ever compare to going on holiday to Cape Town (lets say) where you could run wild as you pleased?

Over the years I’ve heard a lot of so called pro’s to going on camp. The debate on which camp is the least religious is always a promising argument to try convince you to go. Also the camp that allocates the most ‘free’ time to its campers is always going to be popular. Let’s just stop and think about this for a second; why not just NOT go on camp and have 24 hours free time a day instead of 2?

Visitor’s day on camp has always struck me as comical. Parents can come visit their kids on a certain day. This usually results in them bringing them food for them because they haven’t been fed properly for weeks now. What usually happens is parents bring some type of fast-food such as McDonalds or Nandos. If it was any normal day of the year and a kid got offered McDonalds for a so called special meal there it no question he would throw himself around and give a big argument about it- but not on visitors day.
In recent times I’ve heard of camps banning visitors day because it makes the kids home-sick. To explain that the previous statement doesn’t exactly entice me to go on camp, I should hope, is unnecessary.

I’m going to propose a new type of camp and I would like your comments on whether it would be something you would like to attend as opposed to the more traditional camps. If I get some positive feedback I can forward on the ideas to the camp organisers.

The camp is for all people who dislike camp (quite ironically) and these are the rules:

The camp goes to Sun-City and the camp-site shall be the Vacation club.
Anybody that initiates a song after a meal or any group activities whatsoever will be shot on the spot.
There are no muddies.
Volleyball tournaments are strictly forbidden.
Please note to all campers, action is not guaranteed at all! If you not getting any outside of camp why do you think you will get any inside. If you’re a n00b, you can’t hide it just because you’re on camp, people will see straight through it.
Tochnits about who to give a heart to, an old man or a new born baby or any similar discussions shall not be tolerated.
If you keep kosher that is perfectly kewl, however unfortunately it’s your own problem.
6:30am prayer wake up is allowed but if any campers are woken up by you then you will be forced to move to a separate room. (or go home)
The head of the camp isn’t choosing rooms. You decide on your own rooms.
Girls and boys may stay together, infact it is encouraged. (If you decide to share a bed it will be appreciated that you are so considerate. All it means is that there is another spare bed free)
After hearing about the state of bathrooms on camp I had to put this one in here also.They will be Nazi like toilet inspections. Anybody doing anything wrong will be beaten with a big stick with a nail in the end of it.
Otherwise it’s a free for all. You just sign a form and you’re allowed to come and do as you please.



**If you are a sensitive person then don’t read this note. If you are strongly associated with a camping movement do not read this. If you liked camp do not read this. If you liked encounter, shabbatons or any variations thereof do not read this. If you were a muddy on a camp do not read this! I hope that excludes anybody that would take offense from the note. It is mainly for comedic purposes and I accept no responsibility for hurt feelings.