Rants, raves & the occasional good comment

**READ THE DISCLAIMER BEFORE CONTINUING

A happy camper?

I’ve done some fantastic things in this short life of mine; Challenges met, competitors bested and obstacles overcome. To name all of them would be impossible, but one of my proudest moments in life is making the decision to never go on camp. Any of my friends will tell you that I boast about it on a regular occasion.

Now maybe I’m a little f*ckin’ nuts (in fact we probably agree on that) but spending time on a campsite with a bunch of people that you mostly don’t know or like, sleeping on a steel bed, getting crap food, participating in compulsory activities, having limited free time and a curfew plus rolling around in your own filth is hardly likely to excite me. That fact that you pay for it on top of all these factors just boggles my mind.

We all know that most kids go camp because of peer-pressure or because their parents want to dump them somewhere for a while whilst they are on their overseas trip. To me, there was absolutely no logic on going on camp, ever! How could going on camp with all these rules ever compare to going on holiday to Cape Town (lets say) where you could run wild as you pleased?

Over the years I’ve heard a lot of so called pro’s to going on camp. The debate on which camp is the least religious is always a promising argument to try convince you to go. Also the camp that allocates the most ‘free’ time to its campers is always going to be popular. Let’s just stop and think about this for a second; why not just NOT go on camp and have 24 hours free time a day instead of 2?

Visitor’s day on camp has always struck me as comical. Parents can come visit their kids on a certain day. This usually results in them bringing them food for them because they haven’t been fed properly for weeks now. What usually happens is parents bring some type of fast-food such as McDonalds or Nandos. If it was any normal day of the year and a kid got offered McDonalds for a so called special meal there it no question he would throw himself around and give a big argument about it- but not on visitors day.
In recent times I’ve heard of camps banning visitors day because it makes the kids home-sick. To explain that the previous statement doesn’t exactly entice me to go on camp, I should hope, is unnecessary.

I’m going to propose a new type of camp and I would like your comments on whether it would be something you would like to attend as opposed to the more traditional camps. If I get some positive feedback I can forward on the ideas to the camp organisers.

The camp is for all people who dislike camp (quite ironically) and these are the rules:

The camp goes to Sun-City and the camp-site shall be the Vacation club.
Anybody that initiates a song after a meal or any group activities whatsoever will be shot on the spot.
There are no muddies.
Volleyball tournaments are strictly forbidden.
Please note to all campers, action is not guaranteed at all! If you not getting any outside of camp why do you think you will get any inside. If you’re a n00b, you can’t hide it just because you’re on camp, people will see straight through it.
Tochnits about who to give a heart to, an old man or a new born baby or any similar discussions shall not be tolerated.
If you keep kosher that is perfectly kewl, however unfortunately it’s your own problem.
6:30am prayer wake up is allowed but if any campers are woken up by you then you will be forced to move to a separate room. (or go home)
The head of the camp isn’t choosing rooms. You decide on your own rooms.
Girls and boys may stay together, infact it is encouraged. (If you decide to share a bed it will be appreciated that you are so considerate. All it means is that there is another spare bed free)
After hearing about the state of bathrooms on camp I had to put this one in here also.They will be Nazi like toilet inspections. Anybody doing anything wrong will be beaten with a big stick with a nail in the end of it.
Otherwise it’s a free for all. You just sign a form and you’re allowed to come and do as you please.



**If you are a sensitive person then don’t read this note. If you are strongly associated with a camping movement do not read this. If you liked camp do not read this. If you liked encounter, shabbatons or any variations thereof do not read this. If you were a muddy on a camp do not read this! I hope that excludes anybody that would take offense from the note. It is mainly for comedic purposes and I accept no responsibility for hurt feelings.