Rants, raves & the occasional good comment

The events described below prompted me to write this blog entry. I usually shrug off this type of occurrence as one of those things that just happen, but I then thought to myself I should blog about it and let everybody have a laugh about it too.

It was voting day for the elections in South Africa and I’m standing in the queue to vote. There is a girl two places in front of me who I nominate as the biggest n00b in the universe.

She was one of those really nerdy over achievers that you really hated at school. ‘Luckily’ for everyone else in the queue she is having a conversation with her mother and another man loud enough so that the whole queue can hear her.

She fancies herself as quite an expert on politics and starts talking about the build up to the election. You really get the feeling that she reads up on this stuff just to sound knowledgeable. Another thing I notice is that she can't formulate her own opinions and is passing off the opinions of others as her own. I know this because, by chance, I had also read some election articles and she had the *exact* same opinion as the writer of the articles. To make sure she gets her opinion across, she hushes everyone around her before speaking just in case somebody else is talking while she is delivering her speech (probably took hours of prep).

This apple doesn't fall too far from the true and the mother is also an over protective n00b. She zips up her daughter’s jacket for her when it gets cold and then leans on her.

"Hello mother, how are you?" says the girl

"I'm freezing my dear daughter," replies the mother.

Just from that snippet of conversation I’m sure you can appreciate the type of person we’re dealing with here.

The two of them remind me of the show Gilmore Girls which I had the displeasure of seeing for 10 minutes once. (Really opening myself to mockery here but it really was 10 minutes, couldn’t possibly handle more – and anybody that comments about that will be banned from reading the blog forever!). Similar to her on screen counterpart she is incredibly mature for her age, which is f*cking annoying. She also thinks that everyone is very impressed with her. To make matters worse she brings along a pepper spray just incase any election violence should break out. If there was a ruckus of sorts I would feel very secure next to this douchebag clutching onto her pepper spray. Purely for entertainment value I would have loved to see some ANC heavies’ rock up to make a playground of her ass.

The mother, in an equally paranoid franti,c tells a story of how this morning somebody blocked a third of her driveway and she was in the house in a hysterical state, looking out the window with her binoculars.

In another attempt to prove her wisdom to the entire queue, who she believes is her audience; she notices a tree and walks up to it staying this is definitely a hazelnut tree.

She always uses terms such as “exasperating” and “opulence” plus a few others that I'm not even sure are real words. She speaks like most people’s grandmothers’ and starts off her one story by saying, “listen to this for the most terrible story!” Which 18/19 year-old starts off a story that way?

She further proves herself as a medical genius and points out that she can tell the man has had chicken pocks because she can notice a scar on his forehead.

She also couldn’t contain her excitement to vote and told the IEC all about it. The frustration was too much for most people who wanted to grab her throat by this stage.

As is often the case this entry went on for longer than I expected but it’s challenging to describe such a n00b without being able to witness it first hand.

And a note to the n00b, if by any chance you are reading this blog entry please contact me so I can further mock and ridicule you.

THE END….